Writing has been therapeutic for me for several years.
It’s not about being a great writer, or even a good writer, or even a “writer” as an accurate title. It’s about the act of writing. Gathering my thoughts into one place at one time has often made me feel rejuvenated and healed.
Now, I am grasping for ways to begin the process of healing, perhaps writing will be a step in the right direction. My world has shattered around me. My everything, my reason for being, my greatest joy, my most amazing daughter has passed on from this world.
I was not prepared for it.
My heart is broken.
My mind is a garbled up mixture of pain, anger, fear, despair and unfathomable loneliness.
I feel as though I am standing in front of a firing squad that is firing bullets of guilt and grief and they are ripping through every fiber of my being.
I have been knocked down many times in my life. But, nothing, nothing has wounded me bad enough that I couldn’t, wouldn’t, didn’t want to get up.
I cannot imagine waking up and putting one foot in front of the other.
But, I know, God, I hope, I will.
I will do it because my daughter was the most amazing creature that ever walked this earth. She was an angel among us. She is an angel watching over us. Watching over me, more importantly.
And, I cannot fail her now. If I succumb to grief, sorrow and guilt I will lose hold of the legacy she graciously left in my care. And that would be the real tragedy.
Her work is not done. My job is not over.
My darling girl, my angel in heaven, I love you to the moon and back a million times and then some.You brought me joy, in the most pure form. You freely gave me your love and you happily accepted my love. You are my hero, my warrior, my light in the darkness. Nothing, not space, time, heaven, earth or mortality will change that. I will always love you and always do right by your name, in your name, for your legacy.